Hungry on Allied Drive

There is a lyric to a track that I have heard about 2,000 times in the last 5 days (because it is on the Need for Speed soundtrack). This track found a way to adhere to my brain and I find myself humming it at work, mainly because it is so characteristic of Allied Drive. Here is an excerpt:

So if ya hit, the ambulance, it don't come around here
Now ya stuck, not even cabs, they don't run around here
If ya hungry, pizza man, he don't come around here

The last line there is key because that is one thing I find so aggravating about this community. It is not possible to get a pizza delivered on Allied Drive because Madison's pizza joints are "uncomfortable" with our community. That does not stop me from trying. I call the pizza places every couple months (usually when I am on my period) and and the conversation goes something like this:

Lina: Hi, I was wondering if you deliver and how far you go?

Stan the Pizza Man (in uppity cheerful voice): We sure do! Where do you live?

Lina: I'm over by Verona Road, right by Walgreens.

Stan the Pizza Man (still in an uppity cheerful voice): No problem! What can I get for you?

Lina: Great! (Note: This is where I order my food.)

Stan the Pizza Man (still in an uppity cheerful voice): Excellent, can I get your delivery address?

Lina: Sure! I am at 2347 Allied Drive. (Note: I make an conscious effort to sound uppity and proper here, think Bree from Desperate Housewives.)

Stan the Pizza Man (notable coldness in voice): Oh. Please hold.

After a couple minutes, Stan the Pizza Man returns.

Stan the Pizza Man (notable coldness still in voice): I am sorry, we don't come out to Allied Drive.

Lina: Really? Why is that? (Note: I question the reasons as if it is the first time I am having this conversation.)

Stan the Pizza Man (notable coldness still in voice): Well, our delivery people do not feel comfortable going down there.

Lina: Really? They are not comfortable? That's odd, Do you know why they do not feel comfortable? (Note: My tone is still as if it is the first time I have heard that we can not get food here.)

Stan the Pizza Man (still cold): Well I guess there have been some prank calls from out there and some of our drivers have gotten robbed, so they don't like going down there.

Lina: Really? You never get prank calls from anywhere else in Madison?

Stan the Pizza Man (cold): I don't know.

Lina: Do you know if this is this a policy for all of your locations? (Note: Now I am preparing to shift into bitch-mode.)

Stan the Pizza Man (still cold): Well I don't know, that is just what they said.

Lina: So what I am hearing is that deliveries can only be made if the driver feels comfortable at the time, so if I call on a different day when a different driver is working, or maybe even the same driver, they may feel comfortable driving down this street at another time and I may be able to get a delivery on a different day, right? I mean, maybe the driver is just having a bad hair day today and doesn't feel like going outside. (Note: Bitch-mode, 1st gear)

Stan the Pizza Man (still cold): Maybe, I really don't know.

Lina: It's too bad equal opportunity and affirmative action don't apply to the hunger of members of federally protected groups. (Note: I only say things like that on my bad hair days, and maybe when I have some cramps too)

Blah blah blah, depending on my mood, I may push it a little more. I have called all the pizza places within a two mile radius, including Glass Nickel, Pizza Extreme, Rocky Rococo's and Pizza Pit. It's all the same conversation. Some will offer to meet me at the end of the block, like over on Red Arrow or Crescent. That's generous, but the whole reason I asked for delivery was so that I did not have to go outside. If I am going down the block, I might as well drive out and pick the darn pizza up and save the $2 for delivery. Domino's, though they have offered similar conversations as above, will still deliver here if the sun is up (I'm not trying to be funny, that is really what they told me). However over the last few weeks, I called after sunset and did get a delivery. But damn, Domino's gets old after a while! I guess I should not complain, as Suni Clay says on his track, if ya hungry, pizza man, he don't come around here ... Any ideas on how we can get food out here? I am all ears!!

Also, I added the sound track to the side bar - take a few hundred listens so that I am not the only Madisonian humming this song over the next several weeks! I included the lyrics too, and I have to say, the rest of the track totally reflects our 'hood ... as if it was written right here. But I guess to presume that would be small-minded. Maybe, possibly, every city has an Allied Drive. Regardless, I decided to proclaim it as the Allied Drive anthem - hey, if we can proclaim mayors on Allied Drive, we can certainly proclaim anthems!

UPDATE: Chinese food delivers to Allied!!